Funky: the suction-cup dildo that doesn't take itself seriously

People rarely buy a dildo for its looks. The Funky bets on the opposite: colours, glitter, and even a model whose stars glow in the dark. I went for the Rainbow in size M, out of sheer weakness for glitter.

First impressions

It really is pretty, and the glitter is embedded in the silicone itself: nothing comes off in the wash or on your fingers. The surface is described as non-stick; it is very smooth, at any rate.

The material is ultra-soft. You can fold it in half without forcing. The tip is tapered, the shaft widens gently, and the 7 cm suction cup is reassuring.

In use

That softness is both its great strength and its limit.

The strength: insertion is unusually easy. No “foreign object” feeling at all, and the toy follows the movements of your hips. For a first dildo, or for days when you want something gentle, it’s exactly right.

The limit: the curve is meant to target the G-spot, but because the material bends, the pressure stays light. If you like firm pressure, you’ll be left wanting more. In that case, take a look at the Wayne instead, which is firmer at the core.

Suction cup and harness

The suction cup holds very well on smooth surfaces, including in the shower, since the toy is fully waterproof. The base is wide enough for a standard harness ring, and for completely safe anal use.

Care

Warm water, mild soap, air drying. The glitter model needs slightly more thorough rinsing: lubricant tends to cling to it more than to the smooth finishes.

Which size should you choose?

• S (15.1 cm): ideal for beginners or for anal play.
• M (17.4 cm): the compromise, and the one I have.
• L (20.3 cm): for those who know what they want.

My verdict

Four grapes. It isn’t the most effective in my collection, but it’s the one I most enjoy taking out of the drawer.