The safe practices guide

A sex toy is a slightly unusual everyday object: it comes into contact with delicate mucous membranes. A few simple habits are enough to keep most trouble at bay. Here are the ones I follow, and wish I had known about sooner.

1. Choose a body-safe material

The golden rule: go for non-porous materials. They don’t harbour bacteria and they can be properly cleaned.

• Medical-grade silicone: soft, odourless, durable. The best choice in the vast majority of cases.
• Metal (stainless steel, aluminium) and borosilicate glass: perfectly smooth, compatible with all lubricants, easy to disinfect.
• ABS (hard plastic): non-porous, common on stimulators and small vibrators.

Conversely, be wary of jelly, soft PVC and “skin-feel” materials such as TPE/TPR. They are porous, age badly and hold on to smells. If you use them, put a condom over the toy and replace it as soon as it becomes sticky, discolours or smells strongly.

A good clue in the shop: a toy that smells strongly of plastic when you open it is not a good sign.

2. The right lubricant for the right material

Lubricant is not an admission of weakness: it’s what prevents friction, micro-tears and discomfort. But not all of them go with everything (see the chart above).

• Water-based: the all-rounder. Compatible with all toys and, in principle, with condoms. It dries faster, so you reapply.
• Silicone-based: very long-lasting, ideal for anal play and under water. Avoid on silicone toys, as it can damage their surface.
• Oil-based (including coconut oil and massage oils): incompatible with latex condoms, which it weakens. Keep it for situations without a condom, and avoid it if you’re prone to irritation.

As for ingredients: the shorter the list, the better. Fragrances, sweet flavourings and warming effects are the first suspects when irritation occurs.

3. Clean, dry, store

Before and after every use, even if the toy comes out of a clean drawer.

• Silicone, metal, glass, ABS: warm water and mild fragrance-free soap, or a toy cleaner. Rinse well.
• Motorised toys: check that they are waterproof before putting them under water. If not, use a damp flannel, keeping clear of the charging port.
• Full disinfection: a silicone, metal or glass toy with no motor can be immersed in boiling water for a few minutes.
• Porous materials: surface washing only, which is why the condom matters.

Leave to air-dry completely, then store each toy separately, in a fabric pouch. Some materials react with each other when they stay in contact for a long time.

4. Anal pleasure: the non-negotiable rules

• A flared base, always. The rectum has no “end”: an object without a wide base can be drawn in and end up in A&E. Vibrating eggs, small smooth vibrators and other everyday objects are ruled out.
• Lots of lubricant. The anus doesn’t lubricate itself naturally. You apply some, then you apply some more.
• Time and relaxation. Start small, breathe, and progress at your own pace. Nothing should be forced.
• No numbing products. Pain is a signal: masking it means risking an injury without realising.
• Never from anal to vaginal without washing the toy or changing the condom. It’s the fast track to infections.

5. Playing as a pair (or more)

• Talk about it beforehand. What you’d like to try, what you don’t want, and a word or a gesture to say stop at any time.
• Consent is checked along the way: a “yes” from yesterday or from ten minutes ago commits nobody to anything now.
• A shared toy = a condom over it, changed between each person, or a full wash. STIs are also passed on via objects.
• Remote-controlled toys in public remain a game between consenting adults: the people around you didn’t ask for any of it, so be discreet.

6. Listen to your body

• Pain is never normal. If discomfort persists, stop.
• Go for a wee after vaginal stimulation or sex: it reduces the risk of a urinary tract infection.
• Redness, itching or burning after a new toy or a new lubricant: stop using it and see how things develop. Latex allergies exist, among others.
• Is it not clearing up within a few days, or is there blood, a fever or severe pain? See a doctor. Healthcare staff have seen it all before, and you don’t have to justify yourself.
• Batteries: don’t leave a toy charging unattended overnight, and throw away any whose casing is cracked or swollen.

In short

1. Non-porous material.
2. A suitable lubricant, and plenty of it.
3. Wash before and after.
4. A flared base for anything that goes in the back.
5. Talk about it, and listen to each other and to yourselves.

This guide offers general pointers drawn from my own experience and from common recommendations. It is no substitute for the advice of a health professional.